I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
