dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
