My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
