Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
