If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
