Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize