new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
