An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
