okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize