Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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