I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize