you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
worst night to have a conscience
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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