I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
