She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
