My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
