I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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