they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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