A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
