i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize