no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
