you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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