My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
