you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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