why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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