I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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