I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize