I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
