Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
