Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
