question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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