Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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