hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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