My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
