True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't put those talents on a resume
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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