I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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