My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
