I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
