and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
