When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
