I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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