Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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