mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize