We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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