We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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