Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
