Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
