Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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