i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
