Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
