he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
3 2 1 whiskey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
