he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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