I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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