Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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