I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do flat chested girls get laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
