If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
