It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
