hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
