a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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