so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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