i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
MIDGETS
????
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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