Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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