I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
