i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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