I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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