you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
